Matters of Faith

Yesterday I had to take one of our children to be tested for a sensory processing disorder.  While sitting in the waiting room and becoming increasingly more nervous and impatient, I looked up from of mountain of paperwork to see my vulnerable little boy sitting quietly and bravely, fighting back his tears. Perhaps he wondered what was wrong with him.  I know he feared what the doctors were about to do.  Needless to say, the tears began welling up in my own eyes.  But I knew that if he saw me cry he’d only worry more; so I needed to be strong for him. “Get yourself together!”  I scolded myself.  “Think about monster trucks!  Think about your grandmother!  Think about your grandmother driving a monster!  JUST. DON’T. CRY!”

Countless times throughout the 2 ½ hour appointment I wanted to scoop him up into my arms, tell him everything was going to be just fine and run with fury right out the door. But I knew that it was in his best interest to let him go through the testing, no matter how scary it was.  And though I wanted to take away all of his pain and fear, my interference would not help him become all that he can be.  My job, at this point in time, is to comfort and reassure him and to make sure all the necessary elements to his success are in line. 

I keep thinking that this is similar to how our Father, who loves us as a mother, so often feels for us (though much more profoundly and purely) as we struggle through life.  He could take away all the pain and suffering we experience, but we could not then become the saints we were meant to be.  It is not that the suffering in and of itself is good or holy, but that there are some truths that cannot be revealed, some sins that cannot be purged, and a part of Christ that cannot be known except through suffering.  In fact, our suffering only finds meaning in light of the suffering and temptation of Christ.  This is why a theology that refuses to regularly contemplate the suffering of Christ, the very Song of God slowly and painfully dying upon the cross, is ultimately inconsequential. 

In the midst of my own struggles, when I am wondering where God is and when He is going to ease my pain I am often brought back to this scripture:

“But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, and formed you, O Israel:  Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name: you are mine.  When you pass through the water, I will be with you; in the rivers you shall not drown.  When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned; the flames shall not consume you.  For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your savior…you are precious in my eyes and glorious and because I love you…” Isaiah 43:1-4.

May you this day receive comfort from the Father who loves you as a mother.